Live Virtual Group Session: 12PM EST March 8th 2024

Thank you to everyone who joined us for this session!

For this session we read a short story The Visitor” by Lydia Davis, posted below.

Our prompt was: Write about an unspoken social contract.

More details will be posted on this session, so check back again!

Participants are warmly encouraged to share what you wrote below (“Leave a Reply”), to keep the conversation going here, bearing in mind that the blog of course is a public space where confidentiality is not assured.

Also, we would love to learn more about your experience of these sessions, so if you’re able, please take the time to fill out a follow-up survey of one to two quick questions!

Please join us for our next session Monday March 11th at 6pm EDT, with more times listed on our Live Virtual Group Sessions.


The Visitor by Lydia Davis

Sometime in the early summer, a stranger will come and take up residence in our house.  Although we have not met him, we know he will be bald, incontinent, speechless, and nearly completely unable to help himself.  We don’t know exactly how long he will stay, relying entirely on us for food, clothing, and shelter.
Our situation reminds me that a leathery-skinned old Indian gentleman once spent several months with my sister in London.  At first he slept in a tent in her back yard. Then he moved into the house.  Here he made it his project to rearrange the many books in the house, which were in no particular order.  He decided upon categories—mystery, history, fiction—and surrounded himself with clouds of smoke from his cigarettes as he worked.  He explained his system in correct but halting English to anyone who came into the room.  Several years later he died suddenly and painfully in a London hospital.  For religious reasons, he had refused all treatment.

This Indian visitor of my sister’s also reminds me of another old man—the very old father of a friend of mine.  He had once been a professor of economics.  He was old and deaf even when my friend was a child.  Later he could not contain his urine, laughed wildly and soundlessly during his daughter’s wedding, and when asked to say a few words rose trembling and spoke about Communism.  This man is now in a nursing home.  My friend says he is smaller every year.

Like my friend’s father, our visitor will have to be bathed by us, and will not use the toilet.  We have appointed a small, sunny room for him next to ours, where we will be able to hear him if he needs help during the night.  Some day, he may repay us for all the trouble we will go to, but we don’t really expect it.  Although we have not yet met him, he is one of the few people in the world for whom we would willingly sacrifice almost anything.

Credit: Lydia Davis Collection of stories Can’t and Won’t (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2014).

17 thoughts on “Live Virtual Group Session: 12PM EST March 8th 2024

  1. Elizabeth's avatar Elizabeth

    He will take care of her.

    She will take care of him.

    He will do it in his own way.

    She will do it in her own way.

    Is his way the way she wants it done?

    Is her way the way he wants it done?

    No time to waste.

    It’s discussion time now.

    Time to review their social contracts.

    Like

    • michele348's avatar michele348

      One of the gifts humans were not bestowed with is mind-reading… that’s where open discussion becomes a relationship saver. Thanks, Elizabeth, for refreshing our memory.

      Like

    • al3793's avatar al3793

      Elizabeth, your speaker describes an intimacy that many couples never explore. It is beautiful when they do. It is what distinguishes committed relationship. Andre

      Like

  2. Rita B's avatar Rita B

    About an unspoken social contract

    Rita Basuray

    When one gets married, an unspoken social contact can include the couple be faithful to each other.

    Today, I read a story in my newsfeed, about a woman making a lunch appointment with a stranger – not keeping it, feeling guilty. Still, the husband – staying angry. I feel that it’s not possible to check verbally, all possible dos and don’ts within couples. I wonder if a social contact is unspoken, then something happens, is there room for one partner to be a bit flexible and consider what didn’t happen, vs. what could have? Who knows? I suppose all this is situational.

    Like

    • michele348's avatar michele348

      Flexibility is always an admirable trait to possess. It helps us to sidestep some sticky situations. When in doubt, maybe get it in writing if an oral agreement doesn’t suffice. Enjoyed your writing, Rita!

      Like

    • al3793's avatar al3793

      Rita, I hear a wonderful opportunity to keep growing as a couple, but it takes some skin, some courage, a willingness to forgive and a desire for the good of the other. It is important to look for the opportunity and that might mean to examine how each has not lived up to their commitment. That discernment might let the couple grow together. Andre

      Like

    • Elizabeth's avatar Elizabeth

      Rita-you got me thinking about what is the social contract in marriage… some things appear to be taken for granted and some things need to be discussed. Of course, some of this is reevaluated over time.I guess it’s that way with all relationships.

      Like

  3. Andre F Lijoi's avatar Andre F Lijoi

    An Unspoken Social Contract…

    “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Gen 4:9

    “The unwritten social contract lies in our common humanity – our connection.” afl

    John was homeless, pleasantly on “the Spectrum”, living out of his car, as much by choice as necessity. It had become what he knew.  He’d take an occasional odd job, but they wouldn’t last.

    His countenance always radiated a beaming smile, eyes bright.

    He never asked for much during our visits. He had many complaints but no expectation that any could be resolved, and his social circumstance daunted any effort to improve that circumstance.

    Fortunately, he was generally healthy, and he knew our office was a safe place for him, perhaps the only safe place in his life. He always found welcome at our office.

    He could find a warm shower, freshly laundered clothes, and food when his funds ran short.

    Most important he would find other people with hearts open to him solely because they cared.  

    Like

    • michele348's avatar michele348

      Thankfully, there exists people with hearts open to help those who are need of a helping hand. They give validation to someone who may feel they have been forgotten by society, discarded because they are “different”. When it comes down to it, aren’t we all a bit different from each other… but what one thing we all have in common… we want to experience the emotion of being loved and respected.

      Thanks once again for pointing out the goodness in the world which still can be found.

      Like

    • Elizabeth's avatar Elizabeth

      Andre, what a beautiful gift for John. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could offer everyone a haven and always feel like there is one available for us somewhere.

      Like

  4. michele348's avatar michele348

    About an unspoken social contract~~~

    When we enter this world,
    there are tears of joy, loving caresses,
    and hopes for the future…
    a future where dreams may turn into realities.

    Then life happens.
    The passage of time, the influence of life experiences…
    rips and tears the fabric of life.
    The mind and body ages,
    bringing with it
    uncertainty, questioning, and fear.

    This person, once so vital and active,
    now sits in a chair staring out a window,
    not knowing who he is,
    not having a bag full of life experiences beside him
    to bring comfort and encouragement.

    Isn’t it my responsibility,
    isn’t it our responsibility
    to give honor and respect
    to a life well-lived,
    instead of allowing dark shadows
    to blow out the candle of this life?

    Liked by 1 person

    • al3793's avatar al3793

      Michele,

      Your speaker captures the gamut of life lived in Davis’s story, The Visitor. You also capture the reality of living life and how a time comes when the light that sparked that life fades. The unspoken contract is to respect and honor the life before us. That window might have provided a view into so much of life. One wonders whether anything is remains visible beyond the pane. Andre

      Like

    • Elizabeth's avatar Elizabeth

      Michele, I really like how you use… And then life happens… for transition. I also like how you talk about collective responsibility for honor and respect in your last paragraph. The last sentence of the piece is so poetic.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. rehavia6's avatar rehavia6

    An Unspoken Social Contract

    Never wipe your nose on your sleeve.

    Bend the truth to avoid hurt feelings.

    Vacate your seat for the elderly, infirm or pregnant.

    Say excuse me when trying to pass.

    Look people in the eye.

    Apologize even when you don’t always mean it.

    Like

    • al3793's avatar al3793

      Lisa,

      Such a simple list yet it raises some interesting questions like should the candor of truth be withheld and should apologies be insincere. Some of the admonitions will be clear to most. Others require discernment. I reckon the do’s and don’ts can’t always be written down. Andre

      Like

    • michele348's avatar michele348

      You had me nodding in agreement. I wonder how many of these “golden rules of behavior” are still taught in homes today…I’m thinking not so much. 🙂

      Like

    • Elizabeth's avatar Elizabeth

      I really like the list form. I am still sitting with the last one —the apologizing even when you don’t always mean it… Sometimes people can feel that as insincere and it feels worse getting that kind of apology than none at all. On the other hand, I do see it as a wonderful peace tactic. You definitely have given me what to think about.

      Like

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